Making Long Distance Relationships Work - Tips

Vacations are meant to be relaxing, and while there's nothing more relaxing than sitting on a white sand beach with a frosty pink adult beverage crammed with paper umbrellas - you know, the kind of drink you wouldn't be caught dead ordering in a bar - an added "relaxation" option some trips offer is the chance for a micro-relationship right there in the hotel. Before everyone jumps in with the hate mail, think about it: short relationships with minimal commitment and shallow emotional involvement can be good for you. As long as both parties understand the rules going into the game, there should be no hurt feelings or bruised egos. Sometimes it can be therapeutic to spend time with someone you're not attached to.

The issue here, which I cannot stress enough, is that everyone involved in this fling-in-the-sun must be fully aware that it's going to last exactly as long as your holiday does. Don't lead people on and certainly don't put anyone (including yourself) in a position where the vacation becomes an epic love poem cut miserably short by the end of your time in the Bahamas. A vacation romance is not dissimilar to a one-night stand - which are also okay as long as both parties know that it's a one-night stand.

If you live in Chicago and she lives in Albuquerque, and you're both consenting adults with sufficient intelligence to realize that a long-term relationship begun in Waikiki will be difficult to maintain, and if you're both cognizant of all this and still want to get together, go for it. There is no harm in a vacation fling. Depending on the sort of person you are, it might be an opportunity to get together with someone you wouldn't ordinarily consider dating. Or a chance to just laugh and play in the surf and retreat to your palmy bungalow well before the sun goes down. Who knows? Maybe you just feel the urge to do something wild and without regrets - I Am Jack's Meaningless Relationship.

Do not automatically assume... that such relationships are bad, or mean, or harmful, or dangerous, or that they can't work. None of this is true. The reason "meaningless relationships" have such a bad rap is that they're almost never actually meaningless. People tacitly agree to something they don't want, or they harbor feelings that aren't shared. Sometimes it's a matter of simple miscommunication. But when you're on your trip and you see that beautiful woman in a bikini top and wraparound sari standing ankle deep in crystal blue water, only go for it if two things are true:

1) that you have no intention of harboring long-term angst once the fun is over and you've gone home, and

2) that you're willing to live with the potential consequences associated with really missing her. Hopefully she, in turn, will only get involved if the same is true for her.

Making Your Addictions Work For You

Almost everyone you know is addicted to something.Whether their addiction is coffee, jogging with shin splints or something less socially acceptable, addictions are a way of life for many people.

For some, addictions limit their enjoyment of life and limit their successes in life as well. Many people simply have addictive natures whereas others can try the most addictive things and then say "meh" and never do them again. The scary part is that until you know which one you are and which thing will be your "it" attraction, you never know what you are getting into or where it may lead.

The young clients I work with tend to be addicted to video gaming, magic cards, junk food and/or cannabis. Many would say that their addictions seem to provide a level of comfort... a buffer from an unsafe world. It only becomes problematic when it rules your life. It doesn't really matter if the addiction is deemed "good for you" or "bad for you". Something that rules your life has a different agenda than your higher intentions will have for you.

Having an addictive nature means that you have a passionate nature. So, how do you take these passions and make them become something generative; something that improves your quality of life.

The Good Stuff:

These are the basics of the work I do with struggling teens and young adults with the goal of taking charge of their lives:

First, find your power by starting a daily routine that includes inner reflection, walking, something creative and giving back to the world. Chart it. Own it. Rise above the obstacles that stop you from doing it on a daily basis. Pretty soon, you will be ready to be in control of your private world and you will have found these successes give you a sense of self-worth that is truly empowering.

Using the Bad Stuff for the good stuff:

When you still feel the urge to indulge, use it as a reward for doing the work you need to get done. If you can handle it, give yourself micro-rewards (10 minutes of Angry Birds for every 20 minutes of daily routine). Slowly increase the "work" time and reduce the treat time.

Important: The rewards should not impede your ability to go back and continue. Certain addictions will not work with this system. If this does not work for you. establish all the things you need to get done in the day and then give yourself your indulging reward at the end of the day.

If you are getting the rest of the day off once you've done your chores, try introducing a small segment of healthy stuff to do in your goofing off period. For example, do all of your daily work, your home work and your daily routine and then go off and play video games until your head explodes (not really please). Try taking a break at some point in the evening and go and do 15 minutes of your "good stuff" once more. Just this small step will put you in charge of your passions. It's not easy but it is transformative. These exercises will work for those of you who can moderate with a bit of direction.

So what if you are not a moderator?What if you can't do a little bit of it after doing what you were supposed to do. Then you proceed to one of the turkey aisles. Lukewarm, cool or cold.

Lukewarm means you can stop for the week and get your stuff done and then go nuts on Magic card nights/weekend tournaments or whatever else burns away your time.

Cool means that you can stop for a period of a few months and get what you need to get done and then start up again on vacations, giving yourself a week or so of re-acclimation before having to get back to your real stuff once again.

But for some, you need that Turkey chilled to the bone.

Cold:Once it's gone, it needs to stay gone because when you start up "that" addiction you cannot stop. In that case, if you can stop, stop for just that day, then the next day, then keep that stopping up... one day at a time.

There is another level where you need outside intervention to help you stop whatever your addiction is. When what you do is truly self-destructive and you are losing yourself, your friends, your family, your employment or possibly your life, go seek professional help and don't forget to pick the system that works best for you. You should still be in charge of what system you pick but only if you have those moments of clarity to admit your problem and know what system will work "best for you", not necessarily "easiest for you".

Here's a bigger question about your guilty pleasures:

Try to determine if these indulgences do or do not benefit you and if they don't benefit you, ask yourself: would I be better replacing them with something that brings out the best in me? Search for that thing that would be a worthy place for your passions, determine a plan of action and change the world for the better.

Accept your passions, choose them wisely and vow to leave the world a slightly better place than before you came into it kicking and screaming.

"A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them"... Carl Jung

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The Most Popular Drugs Abused Today

Alcohol addiction is ranked as the third most life threatening lifestyle disease. In the United States, approximately 79,000 deaths per year are related to alcohol use. Alcohol is found in malt or distilled liquor, wine, regular beer and distilled spirits. The amount of alcohol present in these drinks differs, with distilled liquor and spirits containing the highest amount of alcohol. People get alcohol from bars and pubs, restaurants as well as supermarkets. Besides alcohol, the following are other most used drugs:

• Marijuana. This drug is legal in some countries, but illegal in the United States without a prescription from a licensed doctor. It has some medicinal properties that have been found to be specifically helpful to cancer patients. However, it is more often used as a narcotic for relaxation and entertainment purposes. Its abuse can impart adverse effects on the user. The side effects of this drug affect the memory and motivation of the user. Most people who abuse this drug get it illegally from drug dealers who are found in and around high schools, or even adult friends. Popular terms used to refer to marijuana include hemp and weed.

• Cocaine. This drug comes from coca, a plant that is popularly grown in Latin America. This drug has been used to make pain- killers and refreshing drinks, because of its medicinal qualities and impacts on the energy levels of the user. However, it is one of the most popularly abused drugs, especially by the rich. Abuse of this drug leads to hallucinations, paranoia and an increase in heart rate while using. Although it is completely illegal in the United States, cocaine users get it from drug dealers and it is fairly easily accessible.

• Adderall. This is medication that is prescribed by physicians as a remedy for ADHD. It can help calm down and focus those with ADHD but is also an appetite suppressant and reacts like speed in the average person's body. This medication has become more popular among college-aged kids and even new mom's because it helps with weight loss and keeps your energy level up throughout the day. Its side effects include temporary insanity while on the medication. It is easily accessible from your medical physician if ADHD has been diagnosed for someone in the family.

• Heroin. This is a highly addictive drug that was once used to relieve coughs. Today it is unfortunately one of the most popular illegal drugs in our high schools. It has been said that it's so addictive that trying it just once will get the person hooked. Side effects of Heroin use include shortness of breath, dry mouth, small pupils, cycles of hyper alertness followed by suddenly falling asleep and a droopy appearance. This drug is only accessible from drug dealers.

• LSD. This drug is illegal due to its life threatening effects. Its use is associated with visual hallucinations and strange experiences. Young people enjoy it because it takes you away from your daily troubles to a different, colorful, thought-provoking place. People who are high on the drug will often have dilated pupils, extreme changes in thought patterns, feelings on insight, confusion or paranoia and quickly changing emotions. While an individual is on LSD he is unable to make sensible judgments, which can lead to making dangerous choices. Long lasting side effects can include flashbacks and severe depression. People who abuse this drug get it from drug dealers.

For people who find themselves using any of these drugs in a manner that is adversely affecting their life, Alcohol and Drug Education classes online can help get on the road to sobriety.

All of these drugs mentioned can lead to serious health and behavior issues. Some include:

• Accidental injuries

• Risky sexual behaviors

• Violence

• Miscarriage

• Alcohol poisoning

• Neurological complications

• Cancer

• Social problems

• Liver diseases

• Cardiovascular diseases

• violence

Some of these effects are short-term while others are long-term and can eventually lead to death. Taking online classes can be a beneficial step towards recovery as they teach students information on the effects of alcohol and drug use, and how excessive use can lead to serious health issues.

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Gaining Self Control When It Comes To Shoplifting and Theft

When therapists and researchers look into why people steal, aside from absolutely needing something to survive, the most common answer seems to "I don't know". Sometimes the individual started stealing at a young age to impress friends or maybe just for the thrill of getting away with it. Sometimes individuals steal things that are high-end that they couldn't otherwise afford. It is a rebellious act that needs to be psychologically dealt with in order to end the behavior.

"I Seem to Steal to Collect Things"

In rehabilitation, the first step needs to be the acknowledgement of the act. Whatever the reason is, the individual generally doesn't realize there are underlying problems that need to be solved. Theft and shoplifting are curable disorders that can be corrected with the right approach and motivation. The majority of patients that exhibit this behavior fall on the Obsessive-Compulsive Spectrum. The individual just can't stop himself. Many get a temporary sense of satisfaction when they steal an item and get away with it. The courts today will punish by law with fines and often mandates to take theft and shoplifting courses to help overcome the disorder. This combination seems to have a more long-lasting effect than jail time, as the perpetrator will receive education on how to actually handle the disorder.

"I Know I Have a Disorder"

Acknowledging the presence of the disorder is the second step towards recovery from this disorder and the only road to self-improvement. This means that the individual understands that something is wrong, has empathy and has the inclination to correct the bad behavior. Denying the disorder can only make matters worse and will not address the recovery process.

"How Can I Deal with This Disorder?"

The third and major step in this recovery is taking ownership of the problem and trying to deal with it. This is the difficult part, as many might fear ostracism or being stereotyped by peers. However, once an individual gets past this fear, the chances are highest for a successful recovery.

The government now allows and even advocates theft and shoplifting prevention classes. These are also offered online for a small fee but with great rewards. Some websites offer individuals to take classes and pay the fees anonymously because the site owners are aware of the emotional and psychological implications this might bring once anonymity is compromised.

Classes are offered in modules so that it can be easier to digest the information presented. The modules make the individual more aware of his or her actions and compulsive behavior. After the identification of symptoms, the student is then taught how to control such compulsions and the necessary steps to take to prevent the act from reoccurring.

The identification and prevention would not be complete without a long-term planning. The implications of what life will look like if the individual continues on this path are addressed. Some examples such as losing the parents', spouse's or friend's trust, and living life as a felon, make the individual personally commit to him or herself never to do the criminal acts again. The program also encourages the student to make friends with positive influences and set-up accountability partners they can talk to when they are feeling conflicted.

Addictions - Costly at Work

Alcohol, drugs, gambling as well as other addictions have a significant impact on people's lives at home and within the workplace. According to the Council on Addictions and Compulsive Disorders, the five primary addictions are work, food, sex, gambling and chemical addictions. Some of these chemical addictions include alcohol, nicotine, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, prescription drugs, antidepressants and even caffeine. Another addiction that is rising in the workplace includes internet and technology addiction. Today, adrenalin addiction is also becoming more widely discussed with its detrimental effects on people's personal health and professional endeavours.

Research indicates that workplace substance abuse is on the rise. The Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse (CCSA) defines workplace substance abuse as "the use of a potentially impairing substance to the point that it adversely affects performance or safety at work." Employee alcohol and drug-related problems impacts on absenteeism, poor work performance, on-going health problems of the affected employee, industrial accidents, and significant losses in productivity. Many employers require drug testing as part of their pre-employment assessment process, and may include periodic random drug testing and for-cause and post-accident drug and alcohol testing as part of their company's workplace substance abuse program. Problems related to alcohol and drug abuse cost American businesses roughly $81 billion in lost productivity yearly (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services).

A Boston University study found that low level alcohol consumption than heavy drinking causes more problems at work. The Research Institute on Addictions (New York) found that employees are nearly twice as likely to call in sick the day after they consume alcohol. Co-workers have stated that they are affected by the 'second-hand' effects of the alcohol use of others via being injured or having to redo work or cover for the employee.

Other addictions can impact on the workplace include gambling, sex, and the Internet. For example, an employee who has a gambling problem might use the telephone to call bookmakers or repeatedly borrow money from co-workers. This behaviour can escalate to embezzlement, defrauding customers or stealing stock (merchandise). Employees who may suffer from sexual addictions may struggle to focus on their day-to-day responsibilities or have a tendency to sexually harass co-workers. Internet addicts can be very costly to the organization as employees spend more time 'surfing' the web than tending to work matters. More recently, people are becoming more addicted to their mobile phone; hence, the time taken before at work on responding to personal emails has now been replaced by text-messaging while on the job.

The disease of addiction is multifactorial, having genetic, psychological, physical and spiritual components. It is complicated to pinpoint why certain people have a tendency to display addictive behaviours, with recent research indicating a genetic component in the form of a defective gene for the Dopamine D2 receptor. Research has also supported that addictive behaviour is linked to poor self esteem and other psychological and emotional dysfunctions. There may be particular workplace factors that impact or trigger an individual's use of alcohol, drugs and other addictions which include the workplace culture, boredom, high stress, competitiveness, arguments between employees, long hours or irregular shifts, and pressure.

Research from the Chartered Management Institute indicated that almost 50 percent of managers would find it difficult identifying signs of drug and alcohol misuse. Therefore, managers should be educated in understanding various addictive behaviours in order to identify employees who already display signs of abuse or addiction or those who may be at-risk. It is in the company's interest to be able to identify workers with addiction issues and also make addiction treatment easily accessible. The Office of Ontario's Auditor General found that there is a 565 percent return on investment for making addiction treatment easily accessible to employees.

Workplace prevention programs that look beyond the individual and focus on the physical and cultural factors in the workplace that impact on the employee's health tend to be very beneficial. The workplace environment should encourage employees to safely explore their issues and provide outlets to seek information. Though it may not change one's behaviour, there is merit in providing information which assists the employee in understanding the problems associated with various addictions in the workplace. These are sometimes offered as part of the workplace health promotion program along with exercise, weight loss, and stress management seminars and courses.

It is best to have a multi-faceted approach in managing drug, alcohol and other addictions in the workplace. By utilizing numerous strategies, the potential to reduce related issues to addictions may increase when selected and implemented appropriately. Employee assistance programs (EAPs) have been shown to impact on the decline of work-related accidents, workers' compensation claims, lost work time, and absenteeism as well as increase productivity.

Establishing workplace policy and controls, especially addressing alcohol and drug issues, may challenge the organization and be developed in an ad hoc manner. Workplace drug policies, which are common, should involve consultation with all stakeholders, apply to all employees, be organization -specific, be comprehensive, and include instructions and procedures for responding to drug-related incidents. Additionally, the organization should consider drug testing as a potential, yet complex option.

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Effective Treatment For Drug Abuse

There are many types of treatment for drug abuse, but all are not equally effective, so how do you know with which drug rehabilitation centre to go if you or a loved one needs help with an addiction? Well, one thing is for certain and that is that traditional, short-term and outpatient methods do not work and this was proven once again by the United Nations Office for Drugs and Crime (UNODC) in 2008. Their research has indicated that an alarming 93 percent of these conventionally treated cases relapse.

Programme Content

Effective and appropriate treatment for drug abuse relies heavily on well-researched and proven programme content and to this end; the outdated view of applying a standardised programme to all addictions is simply not acceptable. The well-known Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous 12-step programmes have proven extremely effective and thus forms part of many drug rehabilitation centres' treatment programmes. Experience has shown that a recovering addict should complete this programme at least up to Step 7 before they can be considered recovered.

Different Drugs; Different Types of Treatment for Drug Abuse

A single rehabilitation programme or treatment plan could not hope to address the idiosyncrasies and unique characteristics of every type of drug or recovering addict. Tailored programme content is required to cater for many factors and these include:

• The physical state of the addict upon arrival at the rehabilitation centre. Most of them are undernourished and have a low BMI, which conspires against their recovery and their concentration levels. A healthy eating plan should form part of the treatment programme.
• The psychological state of the addict upon arrival. The addict may exhibit various maladaptive behaviours that require treatment, like depression or obsessive-compulsive disorders

Crack and Cocaine

Of course, the treatment for drug abuse would very much depend on the drug of choice and a great deal of research is necessary to find the correct methodologies to treat certain addictions. For example, a programme from the USA has proven very effective for treating cocaine and crack addiction and assisting these people in coming to terms with their addiction, the unique allure of these drugs and the undercurrent of addiction.

Heroin Fighters

In similar vein, the South African-developed Heroin Fighters programme is now world-renowned for assisting in the treatment for heroin drug abuse. Heroin is often regarded as a drug that is impossible to overcome, so the first aim of the programme is to give the addict hope that they can overcome their addiction. A part of this process is education about this drug of choice in order to give the addict an understanding of their dependence and finally, equipping them with necessary skills to overcome heroin.

Alcohol Annihilators

Alcohol Annihilators is another locally developed programme and a very effective treatment for alcohol drug abuse. The programme has been developed with the cooperation of recovering alcoholics and their inputs have rendered a programme that has worked superbly well in assisting alcoholics in coming to terms with alcoholism's effects, craving cycles, the cycle of addiction and the addiction culture, while providing invaluable spiritual perspectives.

Treatment for Drug Abuse: Other Drugs and Programmes

Eating disorders can also be very debilitating and destroy lives on a daily basis, so excellent treatment for this type of ailment is extremely important and may include element of the following:

• Special menus and food preparation
• Supervised meals
• Education about the effects on the body
• Individual therapy
• Group therapy

This type of therapy also has to be constantly supervised by trained professionals.

Holistic Treatment for Drug Abuse

Few drug rehabilitation centres are likely to achieve a decent measure of success with a fragmented and uncoordinated approach and a holistic approach has proven the most effective. This implies the bringing together of all the treatment options available in one place and finds most of its impact in three critical areas:

1. A standardised treatment plan is unrealistic and ineffective; each individual and each drug requires a tailored treatment plan.
2. Short-term, conventional and outpatient treatment techniques do not work. UNODC research proved again in 2008 that 93 percent of these relapse. Treatment should last for at least six months.
3. Treatment should take place in a residential treatment facility in order to exercise complete control over the addict's environment and improve their chances of a full recovery.

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Exchange Heart Pillows As Gifts for Soldiers

It's almost never easy to send off a soldier. Whether that soldier is a brother or sister, a husband or wife, a mother or father, or a friend, knowing that there are months or possibly years between the time you say goodbye and the time you see them again can be painful. Some like to send a memento of sorts along with the soldier; something they can be remembered by when the item is looked at, and something that surfaces fond memories and experiences so the long distance doesn't feel so long. One great way to help close the emotional gap and provide a constant reminder of your love to your soldier abroad is with an exchange heart pillow.

An exchange heart pillow is a stuffed heart that is separated into two pieces, right down the center. One half is kept by you, and the other half is given to the departing soldier. When the two halves come together, the single heart symbolizes the love and friendship shared between you and the other party. When they're apart, such as when you're at home and the soldier you gifted the other half with is deployed, it's a way to express your adoration without being able to do so in person, and it's something to hug when you can't hug that special someone who has gone away.

One of the neat features that exchange heart pillows can have are pockets. These can be used to stuff one half of an exchange heart pillow with goodies for the soldier its being given to. For instance, if this particular person has a particular candy they're fond of, or if you have smaller trinkets you'd like to gift to this person as a gift, you can stuff the pockets as a surprise. You could even stuff the pockets with notes for the owner of the pillow half to read. Of course, if none of these ideas appeal to you, you can line the pockets of your exchange heart pillow with any other items you want.

Keep exchange heart pillows in mind whenever you're looking for a special gift for the special soldier in your life. No matter your relationship to the departing person in question, it can be a very thoughtful gift and can mean a lot to someone who is traveling to a strange land, away from family, friends, and other loved ones for a significant period of time.

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Peer Pressure and Teen Theft Go Hand-In-Hand

In recent years, a steady rise in the number of robbery cases among teenagers has been documented. There has been a wide array of reported reasons why teens decide to steal, but surprisingly, most of them will initially say that boredom pushes them to do it. While boredom may not sound logical as an answer, as parents and guardians we need to understand the underlying causes as to why teenagers really take the plunge and start stealing.

Of the many reasons why teenagers get themselves involved in theft and shoplifting, peer pressure tops the list. Teens steal to be cool in front of friends. The image they try to portray to others is "look at me, I'm above the law", or "look at me, I'm so brave". Some might steal simply because they want to have something that they can't otherwise afford or their parents won't buy them. Sadly, some teenagers will do anything just to feel accepted by their peers. They know that stealing is wrong, but they risk it just to feel socially accepted.

When you come to think of it, a teenager's life is can be seen as harder in this generation. They have to unwillingly fight the battle of having the coolest gadgets, possessing the best cell phone, driving the most high-end car, among other things. This competition can become too hard on them, pressuring them to resort to illegal options just to keep up with the competition. It is therefore important for parents and guardians to recognize and address this issue in order to prevent their kids from ending up with a criminal record. If this behavior is not resolved right away, the habit can be carried on into their adult life, resulting in even more serious consequences.

Establishing a good relationship with your teenager is the first and most important step toward getting rid of his stealing tendencies. Once your teenager sees that you believe in him and still trust him, that alone could empower him to open up to you about his struggles with theft. Remember that teenagers struggle heavily with acceptance, so being accepted by his own family is already a very strong foundation that will encourage him to be open and honest about other things happening in his life.

If you have a nagging feeling that something is not right with your teenager but he refuses to talk, watch out for signs that he has been stealing. A new piece of jewelry, a new flashy gadget, or any product that he cannot otherwise afford with his allowance are red flags that he may be involved in theft. His lack of conversation might be his way of avoiding the issue. However, if your teenager confesses to you about this habit, do not retaliate with a heavy punishment as this will just discourage them to tell the truth the next time around. Your safest and most effective solution would be to enroll your teen in theft and shoplifting prevention classes online. This is a very private and effective way of dealing with the situation. Your child doesn't need to be humiliated by publicly going to a class, and the entire family can participate in the comfort of your own home. Online instruction will generate conversation and licensed counselors can be contacted if any questions arise. For a child with low self-esteem who is trying to gain status among his friends, this anti-stealing education is an excellent route for the family to take.

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Is There Such A Thing As Sexual Addiction?

In a recent article in CNN.com Blogs, psychologist David Ley states in his new book, "The Myth of Sex Addiction," that there is no such thing as sex addiction-that the term is just an excuse for bad behavior. I disagree with that position. In my view, the label of 'addiction' doesn't excuse anything. That's because my definition of addiction is anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings and the resulting behavior. Since my definition centers around choice, it is not about an illness that is 'happening' to you, and therefore cannot be used as an excuse.

In my experience, addictions are a result, not a cause. While they can cause many severe problems and even death, the underlying cause is the avoidance of responsibility for one's own emotions, and sex addiction is no exception.

Let's take an example:

Henry and Alicia have been married for 18 years. Alicia grew up in a household where looks and sexual desirability were highly admired. She learned early to attach her worth to whether a man desired her, and to try to fill her emptiness through male attention. Early in their marriage, Alicia attached her worth and happiness to whether or not Henry wanted to have sex with her. She had also learned in her family to get angry and blaming when she didn't get what she wanted.

Henry grew up in an alcoholic home with two very controlling parents. He not only learned to turn to alcohol to avoid his feelings; he also learned to resist what Alicia wanted by shutting down. This was his way of not being controlled by her.

Both Alicia and Henry were addicted: Alicia was addicted to sex as a way of getting validated, and to anger to get her way. She was unwilling to take responsibility for defining her own worth, bringing herself joy, and learning to fill her own emptiness through her spiritual connection. Henry was addicted to alcohol to numb his feelings, and to withdrawal as his way of having control over not being controlled. Alicia was angry and hurt much of the time over Henry not wanting sex with her, and Henry was angry and hurt much of the time over Alicia wanting to use him sexually to fill her emptiness and validate her worth.

Both Alicia and Henry were addictively avoiding their deeper feelings of loneliness and heartbreak over their childhood and over their marriage with each other. By avoiding their painful feelings with their addictions, they were both abandoning themselves, and then wanting the other person to give them what they were not giving to themselves. By abandoning themselves with their various addictions, they were causing their anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and emptiness, which then led to more addictive behavior.

Their addictions were not the primary cause of their pain, but the result of their self-abandonment.

SELF-ABANDONMENT is THE underlying cause of sex addiction and other addictions. Alicia and Henry's addictions are the result of avoiding learning how to fill themselves with love from their spiritual source, so that they are not empty and needy of something external to fill them up and take away their pain.

While the above scenario is about a relationship where the woman is sexually addicted, it is far more common for the sex addict to be a man. I chose the example of the woman being the sex addict to show that both sexes can suffer from this addiction.

Addictions are not an excuse for bad behavior. Rather, addictions indicate a lack of courage to face painful feelings head on-to learn from them with love and compassion rather than avoid them with various addictions.

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How To Make Long Distance Relationship Work

Many people are in long distance relationships. With jobs taking them to different places these days, it's not surprising for some couples to carry on their relationship even when they're far apart from each other.

It's possible for this type of relationship to work and even to end up in marriage. As long as the couples involved are committed to make it work, setting their priorities right and are finding ways to keep the relationship strong despite the distance, it can survive the test of time.

Relationship experts actually consider being in a long distance relationship healthy for couples. For one thing, being separated allows each individual to pursue their own career and ambitions and develop a sense of independence. Secondly, the separation develops in every person a longing for each other.

Here are ways that can guide you in keeping your relationship intact for a long time. When you are able to follow these steps, you can be sure to make you and your partner satisfied.

Being honest to each other right from the start is essential. If you're not yet married, this means setting your boundaries such as if you're going to be exclusive to each other or you can go out on dates without any commitment. This will help you avoid misunderstandings and ensure that you're on the same page.

While you're discussing this, also make clear what your end goal is. You can agree on how long the separation will last to allow you to plan your lives together. If it's possible to visit your partner in his new place or your partner going home to you on certain occasions, be sure to schedule this as well.

Making time for each other is another important step to take. No matter how busy you are, always take the time to call, send a text message or chat with your partner. Communication should not be a major issue today what with the existence of mobile and smart phones as well as the internet. If you can, set a time depending on your location to do a video chat so you can see each other. It gives one a different feeling when you are able to see each other face to face despite the distance.

Keeping yourself busy with work will allow you to pursue what you love to do best. This will also help you get rid of loneliness that may strike you every now and then. It'll be surely hard at first to focus on what you're doing when you know you won't be seeing your partner for some time. It's natural to feel this way when you were both used to spending your weekends together.

But again, you have to stay strong while you're in this situation and getting yourself pre-occupied is one of the best ways to take your mind off your partner.

Remember that for any long distance relationship to work, it's important for couples to establish a strong foundation. This will help them cope while the other is away and avoid expectations of their partners.

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Some Unusual Date Ideas

Are you fed up with taking your date to the same places? There gets a time when you want to go somewhere different on your date, whether it's a first date or not. Over time you can get bored of going to the same restaurants and bars, which can have an impact on the successfulness of the date. It's not just who you're with that affects the date, where you go and what you do also plays a huge part. Why not try something more exciting? That doesn't necessarily mean more expensive; you can still do something more unusual without overspending. All you need is a great idea and some preparation.

Before you decide what to do, it helps if you know a bit about your date. That way you can judge if you think they'll like your idea. If you don't want to start out too adventurous why not arrange a day at the zoo or aquarium. Walking around talking about the animals ensures you won't run out of things to say. If the weather is nice you could always plan a day at the beach. Lying on the beach listening to the waves, having a picnic and eating an ice cream can be very relaxing. A day at your local park can be just as relaxing too. Why not take some card games with you to enjoy together while you're there or you could even take some roller skates or a kite. These are great ways to behave like a kid again and really enjoy yourself.

If you want to be more creative, you could suggest an art class. There's nothing stopping you going to the countryside with your paper and pencils and sketching the scenery. You could even try drawing each other. Even if art isn't your speciality, you can have fun doing it, plus you'll have a souvenir of the date.

An evening at a comedy club or seeing a musical are great alternatives to the cinema. Laughter is a great way to break the ice, especially on a first date, so a comedy club is a good idea if you're feeling a bit apprehensive. If those ideas don't appeal to you, you could visit to a planetarium or perhaps the circus. These will certainly give you something to discuss afterwards and will be a date you won't forget in a hurry.

If you wanted your date to be more physical, why not try indoor rock climbing, go karting, paint-balling or even white water rafting? These are quite adventurous ideas, so it might help if you know how your date would feel about these before you make any arrangements.

If you want to plan something unique, why not arrange a hot air balloon ride. It's not the cheapest date idea, but it's certainly unusual and very romantic. Unless your date is petrified of heights, it will be a date to remember.

Online Dating Made Simple - 3 Tips to Simply Using Online Dating Sites to Meet Women

online dating can be a really simple way for a guy who has run out of ideas to meet women to actually connect and interact with single women. You don't even have to be someone who has run out of ideas, you might just prefer using a platform other than the normal bar scene to meet a woman. However, as simple as it may be, a lot of men find that it ends up being harder than they had hoped it would be. Some will even feel that way before they even get started and hopefully, that does not happen to you. If it does, there are things that you can do that will simplify the process of using online dating sites to meet women.

Here are 3 tips that I think you will find makes it a lot easier to meet women on the internet:

1) Don't just opt for one site and one site only.

When you first start out, you may want to try using just one site to get a feel for what you are doing and how to make yourself stand out. However, you might find that the first site that you choose doesn't seem to have the selection that you are looking for, or that the number of women who are available in your area is just too little. If that is the case, then you may want to try a couple of other sites if you can. Kind of like going to one bar and seeing that it is dead and then deciding to make the rounds to a few other bars to see if they are more lively.

2) Do try your best to start conversations with women online.

Using a web based platform to meet women is no magic bullet where you are automatically going to just attract female attention. You are going to have to try and make things happen and that means that you need to be able to start conversations with women and see how it flows from there. Don't worry if you don't get it right on the first few women you try to connect with. There will be more.

3) Don't forget that what you really need to do is to make a woman want to get to know you in person.

It's great that you can use your computer to connect with someone and you can have some fun flirting with a woman online, but if you really want to see some magic in your dating life, then you are going to have to advance off of the computer and meet up face to face. Don't forget that.

The Amazing Secrets Of Conquering Approach Anxiety To Be Super Successful With Women

If approach anxiety has ever held you back from taking advantage of a golden opportunity to meet a woman, then you definitely need to read this article. When it comes to conquering your anxiety over approaching women you basically need to learn how to act confident, keep approaching women it the proper perspective and know what to say to start a conversation. After reading this article you will begin to smash through the self imposed barriers to your success with women.

It takes confidence to meet women and these no way around it. Even more so than good looks, confidence attracts a woman to a man. So, if you are not very confident around women you must employ the secret of acting as if! People going on job interviews learn how to act as if they were confident. Boxers learn how to act as if when they are scared. And so can you.

Practice speaking in a full voice when talking to women. Smile and establish comfortable eye contact. After faking it for awhile you will begin to relax around women and really become confident.

Learn how to act confident around women can be easier when you maintain the proper perspective on approaching women. First, regardless of how attractive a woman is, she's not the only pretty girl in the world. Pretty girls really are a dime a dozen. If a particular woman rejects you, there are literally millions more out there.

Also, realize that a lot of approach anxiety occurs because we make approaching a woman a life or death situation. In the history of civilization no man has ever died because he was rejected. Let your attitude be that regardless of how this woman responds, there are many more available women who will be glad to go out with a stud like me.

After you learn how to keep the proper perspective on meeting when you should know what to say to break the ice with a woman as well as what not to say. First of all, keep things light, humorous and charming. Something as simple as "Hi. I don't believe we've ever met. My name is Michael. What's your name? Compliments work well for breaking the ice. "Hi. I couldn't resist coming over here and introducing myself to a woman with such pretty eyes." learn a few basic lines. Having some idea of what you are going to say helps reduce your approach anxiety.

You should avoid heavy or controversial subjects like religion, drugs, abortion and politics.

So when you look at it, learning how to act confident, maintaining the proper perspective and knowing what to say can greatly reduce your approach anxiety. Now that you've been exposed to these simple, yet effective women getting tips, you should be ready to get out there and start approaching the women you crave with confidence and boldness!

This article is brought to you by DATING SERVICE.

Do You Want to Get a Girlfriend? Read This and You Just Might

If you are like most regular guys, then you probably know what I mean when I say that it can often times seem difficult to get a girlfriend. It's not really that there aren't any single women out there, it's just that it can be hard when you don't normally approach women on a regular basis to walk up to a woman you are attracted to when you see her and find yourself talking to her in a way that just feels natural. If anything, it seems totally unnatural for you to do that. Being that way, you might feel as though it will always be difficult for you if you want to get a girlfriend, but I don't think that it has to be that way. I think that you can find your way and in doing so, find that woman that you want to be in a relationship with.

Here is what You ought to know about attracting a girlfriend that should make things seem a lot easier for you:

The first thing that I think you should know is that getting a woman to want to be your girlfriend is a lot easier when you have a lot to offer a woman. Now, don't get me wrong and assume that I am talking about material possessions. That really does not matter with most women. What does matter is that you are more than just a guy that goes to work and then lounges around your house doing nothing but hanging out and watching television. Women meet guys like that all of the time and there is nothing attractive about that kind of lifestyle. What you DO want to be able to offer a woman is good conversation, some hobbies that you are passionate about that you can share with her and a little bit of excitement so that when she sees you - she has something to look forward to.

The next thing that will make getting a girlfriend a lot easier for you is if you are able to make that approach calmly and smoothly without it looking like it is taking you a lot of effort and energy. When you are able to do that, then things seem to flow effortlessly and that is going to make a woman think of you as being more of the type of guy that she wants to hang around a little. When you look like you are nervous and awkward about making the approach, you often will wind up giving a woman the creeps because she does not really know what you are up to.

Finally, if you really want to get a girlfriend anytime in the near future, you have to be willing to go where you normally would not in order to meet new women. Until you open up the opportunities that you have to meet women who are single, you really don't stand much of a chance of being able to attract a girlfriend anytime soon.

This article is brought to you by MATCHMAKING.

How to Get Rid of Someone Stalking You Online

online dating is a great way to meet new people and signing up to a dating site gives you instant access to a huge database of people you can interact and hopefully form a lasting relationship with. But as with any community, not everyone you will cross paths with is going to be a well-balanced and rational human being and it is not uncommon to come across individuals who refuse to take "no" for an answer and persist in harassing you online. So if this is happening to you, learn how to get rid of someone stalking you online.

What is the definition of an online stalker?

An online stalker is anyone who persists in contacting you even when you have made it quite clear you are not interested. On a dating site, you may find yourself the recipient of hundreds of unwanted messages from one person, typically someone you ignored or possibly rejected previously. If the stalker is a former date, or someone you have met in person, the stalking can filter through into other areas of your life, particularly if the stalker has your email address and other contact details.

Why do some people start a stalking campaign?

Some individuals cannot take rejection. Even when you have told the person you are not interested, they refuse to accept it and still persist in instant messaging, texting, emailing and calling you, often hundreds of times during the course of an average day. To begin with such attention can be rather flattering-after all, they must really think you're worth having if they refuse to take no for an answer-but before long, such unwanted attention is creepy and a little bit frightening.

How to get rid of someone stalking you online

Tactics for dealing with online stalkers vary depending on how serious the stalking has become.

1. Unwanted messages on an online dating site: if your stalker has no other way of contacting you other than via the internal messaging service of the dating website, simply block their identity and if they persist by creating a new one so they can continue harassing you, contact the site admin or suspend your membership until the stalker moves on.


2. Unwanted emails and other online contact: if your stalker has your email address or knows your identities on social networking sites, block them. Never be tempted to answer their messages as this only serves to encourage their twisted fantasies, although it is a good idea to keep the messages they send in case you need to produce evidence at a later date.


3. Should your stalker take their harassment to the next level and start writing abusive stuff about you online, either by leaving vile posts on Facebook or composing vicious and defamatory blog posts, you need to report them as this is a serious offense. Collect as much evidence as you can (take screen shots and print them off) and contact your local law enforcement authority for further advice.

What should I do if the stalking escalates from online to the real world?

1. Once a stalker has your phone number, the harassment becomes a lot more real and they can make your life truly miserable. Changing your number will solve the problem, but this is not always practical, especially if the number is tied to work or your business, so in this instance, consider buying a phone with a "block number" facility to screen their calls and text messages. Some phones have this useful feature built into the options and it can be invaluable.


2. If online stalking crosses over into the real world and your stalker starts hanging around outside your place of work or following you in the street, it is time to call the police and make an official complaint. I am not suggesting that your stalker is potentially homicidal, but at the very least they need professional help and a chat from a friendly law enforcement officer might be enough to encourage them to seek counseling for their issues.

Christian? Want to Know How to Get Girls?

The First Principle:

Embrace the Single Life

Coming to appreciate the value of single life is indispensable for getting girls. Value your independence and you avoid neediness.

"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it."

-Mt 19:12

The worst enemy in this endeavor is neediness. Desperation is never attractive. Most guys who don't know what they're doing when it comes to girls are frustrated and lonely. They don't enjoy being single. They can't wait to find a girl. They hate being alone. Girls immediately recognize this and are just as immediately turned off.

Girls want guys who are content being single, who esteem their independence and enjoy their own company. And we ourselves should desire this. Who wants to depend on a girl for his emotional comfort? With this kind of mentality we lose our sense of self-respect. We're not gonna be the kind of guy we want to be if we lack this basic self-respect.

A guy who doesn't enjoy being single and can't wait to meet someone will prematurely judge girls, idealizing them all out of proportion to reality. They hate being alone so much and think that their options are so limited that any possibility whatsoever is deemed so important that they consider themselves doomed if they were to lose it. Desperation takes over. This is a self-reinforcing form of self-sabotage, because this mentality pushes away every good possibility in the first place.

Say a guy's been single a long time and doesn't really know what he's doing when it comes to girls. He can't wait to meet someone and get into a relationship. Hates being by himself. He meets a nice, pretty girl at his friend's gathering. Every movement he makes and every word he speaks is gonna drip desperation, even without him realizing it. He lacks confidence and comes across as undesirable. This will produce a negative reaction in the girl. She's going to find him unattractive.

The principle here is high demand=low confidence. When you're desperate for girls your confidence is low. Don't question this principle. Just accept it as a law of nature. On the other hand, low demand=high confidence. How do you lower demand? You have to learn and love the art of singleness.

The Bible is very clear that the single life is superior to the married life: Jesus says,

"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it" (Mt 19:12).

A life devoted to the higher things of God requires in many instances the deferral of marriage, or even its complete renunciation. Paul explains:

"I think that in view of the present distress it is well for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek marriage. But if you marry, you do not sin, and if a girl marries she does not sin. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that...I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided" (1 Cor 7:26-28,32-34).

Marriage, with all its responsibilities, entails a lot of anxieties-financially and otherwise. The single life provides a greater degree of freedom to pursue self-perfection and the "affairs of the Lord." It is, in short, the higher calling.

Getting girls, ironically, should be approached with this framework. Remember our principle: high demand=low confidence, low demand=high confidence. If you're idealizing girls and marriage all out of proportion to reality, and if you don't value your singleness, you will be a desperate mess-and this will, in turn, wreak havoc upon your chances with girls in the first place.

So what do we do when single? We should have good friends who we enjoy hanging out with. We should have career/vocational goals, a course in life and a source of income. We should have hobbies or interests of some sort that we're passionate about. We should take care of our bodies and keep ourselves fit and healthy. We should grow in our prayer lives, in our communication with God.

It is hardly prudent to chase girls if we don't first love and respect ourselves. We need to enjoy our own company first.

This article is brought to you by FREE DATING SITE.

Online Dating Search - Simple and Easy

Meeting people from different parts of the world has become way easier through online dating. More and more people now look at online dating as a way for them to find their lifetime partners. Single men and women take to dating sites in the hope of being able to search for the loves of their life. In fact, you must admit it is a difficult thought to consider dating sites as your path to your destined match. This is even strengthened by the fact that a lot of people have already met their spouses through online dating.

Getting into the roundabout of online dating is not that easy, though. People think that it is just about starting an account in a particular dating site and then you are on it. What you sometimes fail to realize is that you have to consider a lot of factors to ensure that you are safe and that you would end up happily. Here are some tips that you might find useful in this matter.

• Choose the dating site you want to join and create your profile. Be discreet and careful in putting valuable and actual information to avoid being at risk of scams and crimes. But you can definitely customize as much as you want in terms of describing your personality and interests.


• Check out the participants who have created their own profiles within the site. Most dating sites actually have a database of their participants so you can just browse through it. You can find out which of these participants are likely to share the same interest as yours, which can indicate how you can be compatible with each other.


• Utilize the features and tools of the site to your advantage. There are instant messaging and video chatting in most of these sites so you can simply use them and go through your search for a possible match.


• Mention certain characteristics that you are searching for. They can be as basic as age, nationality, address and gender. You can also limit your search to descriptive basis like the likes and dislikes of the person as well as their values in life.


• Be transparent in describing yourself. Use photos if possible, especially decent ones. You can also include other photos showing you doing the activities that you love.

Online dating sites do not really require that you know their game. Sometimes, the more adventurous you are the better. Even the actual opening and maintenance of your account is not that difficult because it resembles social networking sites in many ways. There are really no special skills that you have to show. You just have to sincere in your dealing with other people within the site and then you are off to a good start.

Men's Tips for Online Dating

You may have read a lot about online dating and what to do and what not to do when you are chatting with women online. For most men, online dating has something to do with impression but there are some things that still need to be checked in order to date the best women online. Here are some common things that can tell something about the woman you are chatting with.

Men should check the woman's online profile picture because it will tell something about her real personality. To some extent the picture would actually give more information about her than what she is saying while chatting. The next thing that you should deal with is your conversation. How the woman chats online will reflect on how she is in reality as well as her intellect. So, men should also check some wrong spelling or grammar when chatting online.

These are just some small things that a man should check on the woman he is chatting with online. On the other hand, for men to be recognized by women, online etiquette is also very important. For example, you should post something that will tell positive things about yourself rather than pictures or messages that convey negative thoughts. Just make sure you say positive words towards the person you are dating when you see her in person. The next thing that you should remember is to never post pictures where you are not wearing a shirt. Even though you have a nice body with 6 pack abs, there are women who may still think that it is rude of you to post pictures of you being half-naked.

You should always update your profile picture every now and then because this goes to show that you are serious about dating online. However, you should not expect that your picture alone could actually represent yourself in the most accurate manner. This is because there are people who do not look good in photos but are really beautiful or handsome.

Take note of women who already checked your profile but did not bother to post any message. This already means that they are not interested in you. In online dating, you will also experience being rejected many times. However, this does not mean that you should be discouraged from pursuing the girl of your dreams through online dating. Just keep on trying and do not let negative things turn you down.

Fun Different Date Ideas

You've met this great guy and you've been out on a few dates. Now you want to take it to the next level but there are only so many times that you can go out for a dinner or a movie. You want to make your next date fun, sexy, and bold. What type of date can you plan?

Let's find out

Make dating fun again: Set up a fun Wine Tour

If both of you like wine or simply want to enjoy a day together, wine tasting is one of the best ways to hang out. Almost every winery now offers free or even complimentary wine tours for tourists. Wineries want tourists to visit them learn about their wines, taste them and probably promote the wine and become patrons. For example, the California Winery Advisor.com website has a complete list of great local wineries that offer free tours. Ideally, we suggest you first find a winery or a wine-making community close to your city. They may offer free tastings or they may charge you about $5-$10 for a tour. Once you know where you are going, you can easily find hotels that will also offer complementary wine tours to local vineyards or you can plan the route that you want to take to visit local vineyards.

Set up a sexy Couples Massage

Massages are a great way to learn about a new person. Couples massages are carried out by massage therapists with both members in the same room. The experience is relaxed but therapeutic as well. Both of you feel connected, relaxed and completely rejuvenated. Most resorts and spas offer free complimentary massages and spa days for couples. Usually, these last for a 1-1/2 day or you can choose longer spa trips. A range of different styles are also provided in the form of full body, Ayurvedic, Thai massages that you can choose from.

Retro Drive-In Movie: Choose a funny old movie

Drive-in movies are great. All you have to do is find a drive-in, get a ticket and cuddle up with your loved one. The best way to find a drive-in is by going online. For example, driveinmovie.com has a complete breakdown of theaters as per state. Pick the theater that you like and book a movie online. Tickets are usually printable and you have to carry them to the drive-in. The AVON (Livingston County) drive-in even has an associated flea market which can make for a wonderful trip. Be a little careful of the weather though.

Hot Air Balloon Ride: Fun up in the air

Doesn't the thought of soaring above the ground for thousands of miles sound fun and utterly romantic? A date in a hot air balloon could be the best way to have fun. You will have to book the balloon a week in advance at specialty sporting websites. The website will then provide you with an address where you have to meet up with balloon. Sunrise or even sunset flights are arranged according to preferences and you can share a balloon if required. The balloon has private seats in which you can cuddle up with your date and enjoy the ride. The entire trip takes about 1-11/2 hour and the balloon operator usually provides complimentary snacks and drinks during the trip.

Geocaching: something different and something new

Imagine a treasure hunt but on a global scale; that Geocaching. Players have to register at a website and they are then invited to join a game. Using GPS coordinates; players hunt for geocaches hidden by other players and then share their experiences online. This is a new online interactive gaming sensation that has taken the world by storm. Of course, its completely free and you can hide your geocache and then encourage your partner to find it or you can search for caches from other members of the site. All you need for the game is a GPS locator or a GPS enabled mobile phone. The entire hunt can be turned into a fun picnic and outdoor activity.