I've been clean for just under 3 years after trying to beat my addiction for 10.
My recovery was far from skips and sunshine.
Instead it was a mixture of crushed dreams, failure and relapse following short clean spells.
Recovery was and still is a constant battle that no-one prepares you for.
Relapse is not failure but an important element of your recovery. Not everybody is willing to say that out loud.
Try not to take it too hard if you relapse. Look out for your triggers. Ask yourself whether you are 100% committed to kicking the habit once and for all. Sometimes we set ourselves up to fail so we can enjoy "one last smoke or hit."
I have taken my relapses so badly in the past that the guilt and shame pursued my using until I was out of control and helpless yet again.
Fighting my Fate
I remember the constant battle, day in, day out with the metaphorical angel and demon that resided in my head. In my final recovery there was one life-changing incident that defined who I am today. I was overwhelmed by emotions and withdrawal. I was in early stages of recovery and had just got over the physical withdrawals. The demon addict timed it perfectly and decided to pop in and pick up where it had left off.
It didn't take long to convince me, almost like a robot programmed; I instantly made an excuse and set off to my dealers across the bridge. I reached the steps of the bridge and the voice of reason and light started to ask me why? "You've come this far!" "Turn around and go back home." The demon addict butted in rudely, "just one last time", "you've had such a hard few weeks", "you need a release". "Think of how good it will make you feel!" The angelic voice was familiar I recognised the faint whisper from times gone by. This time she had found the strength to speak up.
I was torn and confused, unsure as to what direction to take. I thought of my family, the love in my life and all that I stood to lose and made the hardest decision. I decided to take control and fight for my life. I felt powerful. Never before had I beat the demon of addiction, I had always surrendered weak and vulnerable to its destruction and then wallowed in the self hate and pity that addiction brings. I walked home with a sense of victory and a real awareness of my vulnerability. It was then I realised I needed to look after and protect myself from here on out. I hope that all of you in early recovery find the strength and courage to carry on and beat it, don't be afraid to give it a good kick from time to time when it rears its ugly head.
Remember the addiction is part of you so don't surrender, don't be a prisoner in your own skin. Release the Demon in order to protect your Angel. The fight is within!
This news article is brought to you by CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIPS - where latest news are our top priority.
No comments:
Post a Comment